How to Shop for Free (or Close to It)

Not even half a month into the new year, I'm already sabotaging my efforts to slim down my shopping. I'm desperately trying to save money and replenish my non-existent savings account. But the pangs of shopping addiction continue to ache sharper than any substance addiction I know. I just can't seem to stop! Even being broke hasn't deterred me. I can make it work, I convince myself. Lower and slimmer are my mantras -- and they don't refer to waist measurements or numbers on a scale. I'm talking about going lower in price, lower than I ever thought possible. Slimmer bargains, let's trim all excess fat off those prices. Macy's sale a good buy? Not any more. DSW a safe harbor? Not without my coupons (well, maybe the back clearance section and only with a 40% off sticker). Even Marshall's is too high with those $199 Coach purses and $99 Cole Haan shoes. It's time to dig through the clearance bins at outlets, buy the unwanted on ebay, visit garage sales. How low can I go? That's the question I'm posing this year.

Surely, there must be ways to shop without the financial loss and heavy afterguilt. Staying awake one night this week, I mulled over the options. Desparate beyond desperation, yearning for new things but unable to find the financial resources, I reached into the depths of my creative imagination to uncover ever-novel ways of satisfying the urge to splurge. As I thought of one idea, another good idea popped into my head. I jotted down ideas after idea and found myself carving a whole new path into future shopping territory. By 2:00 in the morning, as my beloved blissfully snored away, I pored over 10 pages of notes I had written to myself (not on legal pads, mind you, just on my little bedside notepad) and felt at peace. Here was my plan to shop to my heart's content this year without the slighest pang of shame, and hopefully, with minimal financial expenditure. If you're in the same boat as I am, you can appreciate the magnitude of this breakthrough.

For your benefit -- and for mine -- I have written down my ideas. Here are 10 ways to shop for almost free:

1. Post an offer on Craigslist to barter goods or services for items on your wish list. Just make sure you let people know that you'll only perform legal goods and services. I've seen the barter section go awry...

2. Organize a clothes swap and invite your friends. Don't limit yourself to clothes. Include bags, accessories, costume jewelry, barely-worn shoes, etc. Remember -- one girl's trash is another girl's treasure. Plus, it will be an fun way to get the girls together for cocktails or brunch.

3. Go shopping in mom's and grandma's closets. Or your sister's, aunt's, cousin's. Or all of them. They will appreciate the unexpected visit, you can bond over bagels, and you could score some great finds. Vintage is so in -- think retro chic. You could even find modern goodies that go unused. And, you'll save them a trip to the charity drop.

4. Have a late nite eBay bidding session. Weeknights are prime time to win stuff. Did you know that a high incidence of web surfing actually goes on during daytime working hours? Shocking, I know, but not everyone can keep their nose to the grindstone. You know who you are. Anyway, browse after 10:00 p.m. and identify items that have 2-3 hours left to go with low reserves and no bids. Even better for those who live in the Mountain and Pacific time zones, because by 10:00 p.m. California time, it's 1:00 a.m. in the Big Apple and most die-hard shopaholics have called it a night -- at least on a Wednesday. Stalk your wanted merchandise and wait it out till the bitter end, or turn in after putting in a bid and check your luck the next morning. You could win that gorgeous BCBG coat you drooled over last season for a fraction of the price. Sure, you may be groggy the next day, but isn't that worth an almost-new half-price Marc Jacobs bag?

5. Sell items on eBay. From clothing to retro collectibles to office products to household items, there'a a market for everything on eBay. Get an early start on spring cleaning and set aside that metallic wallet you just couldn't leave at the outlet store last year, the fuschia python belt that screamed your name but has hung silently since, or the books you bought on clearance that will never be read. Been shopping in other people's closets? Gain more points! Take an extra load off their backs (and clear more space for their future acquisitions) by offering to take their items that could fetch a few pennies on ebay, even if they don't fit you or aren't your style. The nice thing to do is to give them the proceeds from the sale of their items, but if you tell them how broke you are, they'll probably feel guilty and let you keep all the dough. The more you sell, the more you can buy. Too busy to spend your weekends posting items for sale? Take them to an auction drop and let the pros do the work. Sure, you'll bite some of the revenue, but at least you'll convert unwanted items into cold hard cash. Some money is better than no money.

6. Visit the tailor. I'm willing to bet that there are at least 3 things sitting in your closet that you don't wear because they don't quite fit right. You bought them because they were at the end-of-season clearance, but they weren't exactly your size. Now they hang in the hinterland of your closet in danger of being sacrificed to charity. Not that there's anything wrong with charity -- I clean out my closet quarterly and donate religiously. But right now, you're the one in need. So get those pants hemmed. Shorten those jacket sleeves. Take in that dress. The same goes for shoes that have seen better days. It's a miracle what shoe repair shops can do to your woefully ailing, scuffed and worn out suede Jimmy Choos. While the repair marathon won't be free, it's surprisingly inexpensive, and it sure beats the heck out of paying for a new seasonal wardrobe. Plus, you'll feel good about not letting some otherwise excellent articles go to waste.

7. Pimp your low-riders. Take a clue from Missy Elliott, the queen of embellishing. She has her stylist detail her tracksuits, tennies, and jeans with ornamentations galore. Often the after-market bling costs more than the clothing itself. And she only wears each outfit once! Sometimes, the only thing that stands between you and a sassy new pair of flats is a shiny jeweled centerpiece. How about adding a contrasting grosgrain bow to a boring tee? Or, why not tie a bright scarf or satin ribbon around the middle of your blouse or loop it through your jeans? Kick up the glam factor of a basic black jacket or staid gray cardigan by replacing the buttons or cinching a chic leather belt around the waist. The only adornment I tend to despise is sequins. But aside from the latter, there are countless add-ons available for your designing pleasure. So perform surgery on your lackluster garments and you'll get double therapy: an outlet for your creative juices and a new piece to wear that is guaranteed to be unique.

8. Become a charity case. Hit Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Scour the thrift stores. But beware of many upscale resale establishments, as they often charge almost full retail prices for secondhand goods. Instead, make a beeline for thrift stores that serve the poor. Your good works will be twice rewarded: you'll find fabulous threads for phenomenal prices, and you'll support charitable organizations with much-needed cash.

9. Moonlight. It's not for everybody, but if the thought of clocking in an extra 10-15 hours a week doesn't make you break out in hives, it could help build a nice cushion of spending money that you can do anything you want with. Find the least miserable job that you can hold down or post an ad for your services. Like dogs? Offer dog walking for less than the major companies charge hourly. Biological clock ticking? Get your babyfuls by the dozen with babysitting gigs. Wash cars. Do people's taxes. Use your caligraphy or graphic design skills. There are endless possibilities for earning extra cash. Please, I beg you, don't sign up for telemarketing jobs or work-from-home scams. In this job market, you should have no problem finding a suitable retail or corporate position to supplement your income. Double brownie points for landing a job at your favorite store -- you'll earn extra dough plus take advantage of great discounts. If there's ever a season to disappear for one Saturday or a few nights a week, it's winter. You may be a social butterfly, but I assure you that your social calendar will suffer less when it's cold and your friends are couch potatoes than when spring and summer beckon everyone back out. A couple months of extra income could fetch you some fresh goodies, and you won't be paying them off 6 months from now. Think how giddy you'll be the first time you sit on your stunning leather sofa. The first time you unleash your charming new Chloe bag. Or the first time you sparkle in your real diamond earrings. All those days you spent getting paper cuts, folding underwear, picking up doggie doodoo, or addressing other people's wedding invitations will be worth it when you're the proud new owner of a 42-inch plasma screen TV or a hot-off-the-rack Burberry trench coat.

10. Buy now, pay later. No, I don't mean whip out your plastic and go to town. I mean take advantage of stores that still offer layaway plans. You'll be happy to know that many fantastic stores still do. Hit a Loehmann's 3-hour sale (by the way, the end-of-season fashion clearance will be Feb. 27-March 4) and can't leave that Tod's bag behind? Eye the cutest pair of Cole Haan kitten heels at TJ Maxx but don't get paid for another week? Spot that Prada jacket in your size (for once) at Filene's Basement but are all shopped out till next month's budget? That's what layaway was invented for! When you shop at discount stores, you know how fast merchandise can disappear. I've let many a Coach bag slip through my fingers because the designer merchandise is here today, gone tomorrow. You'll get paid in another week, and in 2 weeks again. So swipe those suckers off the shelf and proceed to the layaway counter where you can hold today, pay tomorrow. Plunk down a deposit and pay as much as you can per installment. Before you know it, you'll be sporting the coveted Nanette Lepore satin top and BCBG Maz azria gold python clutch that your friends are drooling over.

If all else fails, beg your significant other or parents for an early birthday present. Birthday not for another 11 months? Start doing more household chores and helping with tasks to rack up some goodwill points. Maybe you'll be able to cash them in for some goods on your list.

If you have more ideas on how to shop for almost no money, please send them to me. To paraphrase the late Mary Kay , if you have one idea and I have one idea, we each have one idea. But if we share our ideas, we'll each have two ideas. Make sense? Let's swap shopping ideas.

Singin' the Post-Holiday Blues (Shopping When Broke)

Post-holiday bank account giving you the blues? Join the club! I'm so broke, I feel guilty about buying excess household items at Target. Normally, I save big bucks by buying in bulk. A 15-roll pack of paper towels is usually priced cheaper than a 6-pack. But lately, I've had to scale down to economize. I have to think as I stand in front of the tissues, do we need a 3-box set now, or can I redivide the current tissue stock to replenish the box that just finished? Will the fabric softener last another 2 weeks until I get paid? I mean, the stupid Downey is ridiculously expensive these days, but I refuse to shop uneconomically and get the smaller bottle which costs more per ounce and won't last as long. Can the cat just eat tuna and will he eat the chili that we just made (probably not), or do I absolutely have to go out and get him a 12-can pack of cat food? You see that absurdity in which I now find myself.

Despite this depressing situation, I can't fathom the thought of not shopping for a whole month (or more!). Some people have a shopping habit. I have a fiendish shopping addiciton. I simply can't not shop. If I don't feed the monster, I might just claw some rude clerk's eyes out or run over someone who insists on crossing the road when my light is a clear shade of green and an armada of cars is speeding ahead. Or hunt down a telemarketer at dinnertime, break into his house, and hang him by his toes. Depriving my shopping habit isn't a good thing, not for me, and not for society. I get restless, I get grumpy, I get desperate, and people suffer. So it's rather untimely that I'm hit with a dangerously low checking balance just when all the winter sales are going on and spring fashions are starting to bloom. But I've twice now paid off all my credit cards, and I vowed never to buy anything on credit that wasn't an emergency again. And no, finding that the diamond-emblazoned watch of my dreams just went on sale for half-price isn't an emergency, as much as I would like it to be. Thus, I spent the first five days of the new year resolute to not shop until I had the money.

Needless to say, I almost went nuts. I tried experimenting with some new baking recipes. But whom are you going to stuff with indulgent food right after the dreadful holiday overeating? Particularly when your significant other insists on returning to phase 1 of the South Beach Diet (no carbs, no sugars, no nothing -- no kidding!). Baking went out the door, as did most of our bread and comfort food. Okay, maybe I should visit my mother. Still lounging on the beach in Florida. My uncle -- still skiing in Utah. My neighbor (the only one I know by name since I bought this house 2 years ago) -- in Mexico. Darn. It seems like everyone escapes during the first week of January. My hubby and I did take advantage of the extended tropical heat wave that appears to have found a new geographic home to take care of some home improvement projects. It rechanneled some of my energy. However, there's only so much home improvement you can do without spending significant money on new parts or supplies. And we've pretty much reached that threshold for the time being. Well, I guess there's always writing. I can always write about, uh, not shopping? In a blog about shopping, that's hardly exciting. How can I brag about scoring fab deals if I don't score anything? And besides, my brooding behavior was starting to concern by better half. So he let me out for a night.

So out I went. I would like to say with a foreboding feeling of doom, but actualy, it was more like unleashing a killer shark into a reef filled with little schools of fish. My, where to start? All the fish look so tasty.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both
and be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent into the undergrowth.

Then took the other as equally fair,
but having perhaps the better claim,
because it was grassy and wanted wear
but as for that the passing there had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay in leaves no steps had trodden black.
Oh, I took the first for another day...

First, I hit the mall, which is packed with terrible temptations. What was I thinking? With all the Lord & Taylor coupons and Macy's sales, I couldn't not go crazy. Understanding the full risk before me, I expertly guided myself out through an auxiliary exit so I wouldn't have to walk through the rows of fashion that beckoned me at the department stores. Next, I hit DSW to try to use the two coupons that were burning a hole through my pocketbook. One never really has too many shoes. There's always a color I need, a style I lack. I'm happy to report that I didn't need to work hard to find deserving shoes to rescue with my coupons. With two worthy specimens, I made is safely home. Happy with my finds, I looked forward to an occasion to showcase my quilted chocolate BCBG ballerina flats ($50 with coupon) and my Nicole cognac bow-trimmed contrast-stiched ballet kitten heels ($40 with coupon). Not bad!

Oh, I took the first for another day,
but knowing how way leads onto way...

Shopping inevitably leads to a desire to do more shopping. Once you see something that you like, you start to get other ideas about what else you might like. Pretty soon, you just have to have it, and you can't imagine how your life will go on until you get it. Making up some poorly-constructed excuse about having to run some errands, I slipped out again, this time headed to the Talbots outlet. I had heard from my mother-in-law (the queen of cheap -- in a good way, of course) that the outlet was good source of cheap finds. After circling around the confusing Springfield Interchange trying to find the entrance to the obscure strip mall, I finally stumbled into the correct parking lot.

Now, Talbots has a paltry selection of clothing to offfer a girl of my tastes (youthful, sophisticated, and well-fitted). I don't know why, but every article of clothing I've bought from Talbots just can't seem to hug my body in the right way -- either the pants are too baggy in the leg and too narrow in the waist and ankles, or the button-down shirts hang too low and drapery-like past my ribcage. The gorgeous silk dresses look like sackcloths on my hourglass figure, choosing to bulge in the midsection and squeeze the upper and lower sections like a bloated watermelon. This includes the petite sizes, which are not cut for any petites I know. Even the t-shirts are shaped like squares rather than curving to conform to certain areas that women prefer to accentuate (i.e. cleavage), instead highlighting the not-so-sexy stomach.

But the accessories -- ah, those are a different story. I ogle the catalogs when each season's shoes come out. Sumptuous suedes in ripe colors, rich leathers in supple yet sharp designs, all the right embellishments without too much silly or grungy stuff. Of course, I wait for the sales. I mean, who wants to buy $98 jeweled croc slingbacks when you can buy them 4-6 weeks later for $60, or 12 weeks later for $39? Well let me tell you, the Talbots outlet is a shoe lover's dream! Shelves and shelves of shoes sorted by size, all out of their boxes and stacked on display. The prices are from heaven. Those $49 croc slingbacks? Take an additional 30% off. Those juicy sherbert colored ballet slippers that finally made it down to $39? Slash an extra 40% off of those. But wait, there's more: a clearance section which holds unwanted and "as-is" shoes for 50-70% off. I totally hit the jackpot! Snatching up 2 pairs in the "as is" section and a pair in the "past season" section (but soon to be back in season?), I took home the coveted jeweled croc slingbacks, baby pink dress skimmers (which I'm sure will be perfect for spring), and suede bow-trimmed ballet flats in a mouthwatering shade of coral. My total for the day's efforts? $29 for the slingbacks, $8 for the pink skimmers, and a whopping $4.75 for the coral ballet flats. Score 3-Penny Princess! And kudos to my mother-in-law for the tip.

As luck would have it, the temperature rose an unexpected 25 degrees, ushering in a widespread hope for an early spring. I had the perfect opportunity to test one of my new prizes during an impromtu social get-together. Maybe I'll take the baby pink skimmers out for a spin. After a few attempts to squeeze into the supple leather flats, I was faced with an unpalatable truth -- the shoes, being AA width, were much too narrow for my chunky toes. I felt like Cinderalla's stepsister trying to squeeze into the delicate glass slipper. Ouch! They were going to need professional stretching if they were ever going to encase my feet. What a pity! I was feeling really pink that day and was hoping to kill two birds with one stone by parading my new pink silk Italian scarf. No such luck.

Instead, I opted for the coral ballet slippers and hastily changed my top to play up the fresh shade. Perfect! Comfortable, stylish, and spring-like, I skipped out to my lunch gathering. The shoes were a hit! They really perked up my outfit, not to mention my mood. A few hours later, however, as the sun started to fall (it was still January, after all), I noticed a small problem. One of the ballet slippers was a slightly different shade than the other. It hadn't been noticeable in the softly dimmed glow of my bedroom, nor the generic flourescent lighting at the outlet store. But now, in the unforgiving final hours of outdoor daylight, it was undeniable. No wonder the shoes cost only $4.75! Darn that flourescent lighting. Oh well, I'm keeping the shoes anyway, at least to run errands in.

But I learned my lesson. If you're going to buy shoes for $8 and $4.75, be ready to do a little surgery on them. The pink dress skimmers may never fit me at an AA narrow width, even with stretching. And I don't know where I can buy coral colored shoe dye to correct the mismatched suede ballet slippers, so they may have to remain house slippers or quick-errand shoes only. Be careful when buying outlet shoes, as some are non-returnable. Thankfully, Talbots has an outstanding return policy -- you can return any item to any store for any length of time. You can even return merchandise purchased at the outlet to a regular retail store. So for now, I'm keeping the pink skimmers. But if they don't stretch with the Chinese torture device I've fitten them into, I'm definitely taking them back!

The Year of Living Fabulously

It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times.

As we usher out 2006 and look ahead to 2007, we reflect on the things we've done, the places we've been, and the things we've acquired.

It was a year of monumental changes. A year of exhausting work. A new house. A new pet, my first cat ever. A year of tireless new work projects that kept me far away from my new house and kitty for many a late night, not to mention my honey. And of course, it was a year of one of the biggest events of my life: in less than 5 hours, I went from being a single girl to a married woman. Of course, the planning took 9 stressful months, which fell in between busy worknights and tiring moving weekends, and the wedding cost as much as a new car. Which is definitely on my list of things to acquire in 2007. But at least I won a small bet -- I was the last girl standing among my high school and college friends.

And boy was it a year of seeing the world! A 22-day whirlwind tour of Italy, including Rome, Florence, Venice, Sienna, Bologna, and Tuscan wine country. Plus a 4-day shopping trip through London, the city of ladylike style. Eating, drinking, and shopping our way through Europe without a care in the world. Now that's La Dolce Vita!

It was a year of buying generously. Where should I start? January: Ralph Lauren leopard-print calf-hair kitten-heel flats, Off Saks. February: Tod's chocolate leather Kate media bag, eBay. June: Cole Haan white pocket Village tote, eBay. August: King-sized bed frame, Ikea, and new King-sized mattress, mattress store down the street. New sunroom-dining room furniture, Ikea. September: Cole Haan G-Series mink-trimmed black skimmers, TJ Maxx. October: Gucci gold-trimmed signature Abby bag, Gucci boutique, Rome. MaxMara red leather satchel, and MaxMara black and white wool pencil skirt, MaxMara store, Florence. Joseph navy cotton sateen 3/4-length trench, Harvey Nichols, London. And others, I'm sure, but who's counting?

Unfortunately, the generous buying eventually gave way to some necessary selling. Gone: Louis Vuitton Marais bucket bag and gold keychain, 2 of my prized possessions. 3 Coach bags and a pair of suede Coach gloves. Dooney & Bourke bag and keychain. Oh well...

Just as it as a year of buying generously, it was also a year of giving generously. I gave some great presents this year. $700 to my sweetie from New Egg for his birthday. $500 Dell computer to sweetie for Christmas. $250 worth of steaks and seafood to my parents in Florida. Jars of preserved white truffles from Tuscany for my mother-in-law (which I may point out are litterally worth their weight in gold). Several Furla handbags from Rome for my pal Anna, my sister-in-law, and my father-in-law's significant other. A Michael Kors bag and several gently-used Nordstrom and Ann Taylor goods to a friend. A knock-em-dead black velvet Moschino cocktail confection to a different (very teeny) friend, who admittedly squeezed into the dress in a way that I would never be able to again. A veritable trunkful of apparel to same friend. A nice collection of soft girly treasures to a friend who seems to be lacking them. The usual shoes and clothes to charity.

With sorrow, we lost people near and dear. My grandmother, the matriarch of my mother's family, who finally lost her battle with many illnesses. We pray that she is truly in a better place now. We also said goodbye to some people that made us laugh, made us think, and made us boogie down. Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin. Tough-guy and actor extraordinaire Jack Palance. Joseph Barbera of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon power duo. Soul man Wilson Pickett. Prolific TV producer Aaron Spelling. All-around nice guy President Gerald Ford. Larger-than-life singer James Brown. And with great drama -- and much more publicity than he deserved --ruthless genocidal tyrant Saddam Hussein was brought to justice and executed under the watchful eye of the world.

Who could forget the year if hookups and breakups? Out: Jen & Brad, Nick & Jessica, Sir Paul & Heather, Jude & Sienna, Charlie & Denise, Mr. and Mrs. Locklear, Pamela & Kid, Carmen & Dave, and everyone's favorite sweethearts Ryan & Reese. In: Brangelina, Tomkat, Denise and Richie, the new Benifer, and Nicole & Paris BFF again.

And so we say farewell to a year that will be one of the most memorable for me. Goodbye, 2006!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? ...
And here's a hand, my trusty friend And gie's a hand o' thine ...
For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for (days of) auld lang syne.

Santa Baby, Slip a Longines Under the Tree (For Me!)

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
Been an awful good girl...

So I didn't get anything super girly to wear for my birthday. Quel disappointment! Now, before I get carried away, I should point out that I did receive one very girly present that made me feel totally soft and furry. My faithful friend Anna gave me a luscious pair of dark brown rabbit fur earmuffs trimmed with velvet. I was able to test them immediately as the thermometer suddenly dropped from 78 degrees to 39 degrees. In fact, as I write this, the mercury is plummeting to 14 degrees this very night. I couldn't have walked a step outside today without the gentle insulating caress of my luxurious new earmuffs. So to be fair, I did receive one girly present for my birthday.

Lest you feel too sorry for me, let me assure you that I got some adorable presents. My dad dutifully bought me a set of very stylish steak knives, per my request. They were a chic French set with slightly curvey blades and unique red handles. My gal pal Pamela got me a tres chic little photo book for my honeymoon photos that will one day migrate from digital to paper format, and my other gal pal Valerie gave me a fabulous set of drink mixes from Williams Sonoma (we should all be so blessed as to have friends that work at Williams Sonoma, because the presents I get from her are always the presents I keep and love to use). And, my sophisticated friend Suzanne gave me a beautiful ivory porcelain jewelry box to match the ivory porcelain picture frame she had given me for my bridal shower.

Finally, my hubby presented me with a brand spanking new, top-of-the-moment souped-up Dell computer. It has 2 processors, slots for several different memory cards, at least a couple hundred gigs of hard drive space, and enough RAM to run all the memory-hog applications I insist on using at the same time. It was really a generous present, especially seeing as how we've way overspent our budget with the wedding, 3-week European honeymoon, and my liberal spending on clothes and handbags in Italy and London. And of course the little splurges I have made since our return. So I put him under no obligation whatsoever to get me anything more than a "token" present, say an angora sweater or a little silk treat from Vickie's. But he decided that my computer was so outdated, it made my almost 7-year-old car look new. My, how time flies! I remember like it was yesterday when I custom ordered my first Dell computer in 2000 and was brimming with joy when my then-roommate helped carry and install everything into my room, including our first DSL line. It was the coolest technology at the time, with an Intel Pentium 800 GHz processor and a 20 GB hard drive. How funny that sounds now! Anyway, I've now been using my new computer for a week and I definitely adore it! Dell is so the way to go with computers. Once you have one, you are converted. So, I definitely received some fabulous (and fabulously expensive) presents.

But no little sparkly gemstones or gold presents I had been -- however unrealistically and unfairly -- holding out for. Or a lovely new handbag to complement my new society wife status. Or a fur jacket that I had been drooling over. Or the present that I really really really wanted this year, and I told my man too many times to remember: a new watch. Granted, I didn't really hold anyone to my ambitious demands. I sort of threw it out there a few (dozen) times and was met with such an abrupt reply that I sort of lost hope. "You are getting a computer." So I comforted myself with the fact that I would have the coolest, fastest, most revved up computer this side of the Mississippi, thanks to the efforts of my techno-brilliant better half. And I would now be able to type my blog faster, edit budget spreadsheets without suddenly losing all my work, save my photos without wondering if my hard drive was going to crash the next day, and most imprtantly, surf the net faster to e-swipe all the goodies in the last 10 seconds from under the noses of unsuspecting ebayers. Ha, there are some uses for a super-fast processor!

So I was (and am) very grateful for a fab new computer. I needed it and not a day too soon. But my hedonistic desires nagged and nagged until I had to so indulge them. I wanted, needed, something shiny to play with, and unlike my man, electronics just didn't do it for me in the right way. So what was the first thing I did when my hubby finished custom installing all the newest software on my Dell? I took it out for a spin -- on the online retail superhighway, of course. To look for presents that make a girl feel like, well, a girl. And what was at the top of my list? A gleaming, superfly, classy watch, preferably encrusted with a few specks of ice.

You see, the watch I've been wearing for the past 7 years was a gift for my 25th birthday. And at the time, I had received a generous sum of cash from relatives, shopped around, and carefully picked out the watch I had wanted. And I had worn this watch lovingly for the past 7 years, faithfully and proudly, without so much as cheating on it with a cheap glittery evening accessory watch. But the watch had been showing more and more signs of my reckless wear. First, some rubbing off around the bezel. Then, slight dents and even window cracks in the face. And frankly, the showroom quality of the watch just wasn't up to par with my current glamorous lifestyle. It was more than okay for an aspiring 25-year old: A sharp-looking Seiko kinetic with notched numerals, a black face, and two-toned metal band. I'll give credit where credit is due: it's one heck of a tough watch for putting up with constant banging into furniture, drowning in water, and exposing to cold and heat. And I never once had to change the battery -- just shake it up baby, then twist and shout. Presto! It runs on kinetic energy. Hard to beat a feature like that.

Alas, for all these years, I clung to my Seiko like a baby blankie, not being able to find anything as efficient as the kinetic energy source, and not having the money to afford anything truly high end to make my trouble worthwhile. But you see, I kind of outgrew it, sort of like a teenager outgrows a kids' bike, or an up-and-coming Hollywood starlet outgrows a trashy boyfriend. They might still function fine, but they don't really look right on you anymore. My watch looked much too clunky to wear with dressy attire, and lately, it was just too annoying and big with its oversized face to fit under slim sweaters. Then there was the new bling factor, which intruded like an unwelcome baby into the life of a beloved only pet. All of a sudden, the bling on my left hand became more important than the watch on my left wrist, and the watch just didn't measure up to the bling. So either the watch had to go or the bling, and you can bet your last penny that the bling wasn't going anywhere. (You might ask why I didn't just switch the watch to my right wrist, but this is simply not ergonomically feasible given the fact that I've worn my watch on my left wrist ever since I've had a watch. And besides, even on the right wrist, the watch would still look out of place when seen on the same body as the bling.) I wanted more and more to just leave the watch off, poor thing. Unfortunately, there are those of us who can't fathom going through a day -- let alone life -- without a watch, which is why I never cease to be surprised by folks who don't find the need to wear one. Granted, we have cell phones now that tell the time, but these folks were around long before we had the luxury of cell phones, and they baffled me then. How can one not want to know constantly what time it is?

As an aside, I should be completely honest, since anyone who knows me even remotely will immediately laugh and poke holes in my logic. I have always owned a watch ever since I can remember, and all these decades, it hasn't helped me in the least, because I am always hopelessly running behind and late to everything in life. Yes, before you ask, I was late to my own wedding. Of which I warned people for several years prior... But that's another topic altogether.

Hence, I set out to indulge myself with a little harmless online "looking" -- which is one or two degrees behind online "shopping" -- at some watches. It couldn't hurt to know what was out there. Maybe I wasn't yet deserving of a Cartier or a Patek Philippe, or the Omega I had torn out of a magazine, but perhaps a little Coach or Gucci? Maybe an innocent Esquire or new Swiss Army ladies model? Perhaps a vintage Tiffany? I certainly deserved that! I still had Christmas, for heaven's sake!

So I ambled on to Amazon, Overstock, Smart Bargains, ebay, the usual starting places. Nothing at the big "O" or Smart Bargains -- either the watches I could afford were too cheap, or the "luxury" watches I drooled over were priced $2000 and up. Amazon showed some promise. Ebay, as always, produced more than a few pretty pieces. Found a distinctive Coach pink aligator strap watch with a diamond bezel. Not too bad, at the now reduced price of $399. Found a few used Tiffany's, but nothing recent. Found tons of Omegas, but the diamond models just wouldn't drop below $1700. Sigh. Took a tour of Amazon. Thousands of watches! So many, I had to delegate one brand search per day. Came across some beauties from brands that I had never really considered before: Michelle, Raymond Weil, and my new favorite, Longines.

After a week of avid searching, price comparison shopping, and narrowing down my selections, I have finally found the objects of my affection. 1) An exquisite Longines Dolcevita with a blue mother-of-pearl dial and diamond-encrusted face and bezel. 2) A stunningly chic Longines Dolcevita with black face, Roman numerals, and diamond bezel.

So Santa, what do you say? Can you dig into your bag o' treats for just one more present for this good little girl?

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Holiday Bling, Without the Frostbite

As I sit here nursing my painfully swollen sinuses and babysitting the cat, having just picked him up from a grueling (for him) vet visit and scrubbed all his dining items and floor following his unpleasant bout with a tummy infection, the merry sights of tinseltoe and festive sounds of holiday music are the furthest thing from my mind. In my semi-miserable condition, while I attempt to comfort my nose and throat with soothing pots of tea, I can't even fathom slipping into a luscious velvet concoction and getting glittered up for the holidays. And yet they're creeping in. Signs of the holidays. First, sneaking in with little white lights innocuously strung across storefront windows. "It gets dark so early now, we have to add a little more light." Sure, I can buy that. Then, coming like the fog on little cat feet here and there, boxes of holiday cards here, bags of red-wrapped gourmet chocolates there. For those who are so disgustingly ahead of the curve that they insist on writing their cards in mid-November (and require some chocolate assistance while they work?). Fine, let the anally inclined rejoice. Slowly but surely, the trimmings of the holidays arrive, and presto -- one day, you're out getting dish soap at Target and find that the whole darn store has come alive with holiday spirit. That's when it hits you. They're heeeeeeere.

And that means one thing: holiday parties. The average social lady and gentleman-about-town have a minimum of 5 holiday parties to attend. Add 5 if you have a multitude of (equally social) friends, 2 if you and your spouse are gainfully employed, and another few if you have a large extended family, particularly with step-parents and such. That's a lot of partying. And everyone expects you to shine like the North star while you dazzle your spouse's coworkers, impress the heck out of your in-laws with your rendition of egg nog, and charm the pants of your friends with witty tales. All the while remembering to send them all cards in a timely manner and buying enough toys and treats to open your own ebay boutique.

Another thing I've noticed is that holiday parties start earlier and earlier each year. It used to be (or so it seemed) that holiday parties were held, well, closer to the actual holidays. Of course, there are so many holidays now to choose from -- Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Eid -- who knows which holiday a given holiday party is celebrating? But still, I've considered it an outrage that our annual Scottish Christmas Walk in Old Town Alexandria occurs without fail on my birthday weekend, December 2nd. That alone brings in tourists and heavy foot traffic -- and what's up with it happening 3 full weeks before Christmas? But at least that's been taking place for more years than I've been around. What excuse does my office have for throwing the holiday party on December 6? Even more incomprehensible, who at my husband's place of work decided to have their holiday dinner on Friday, December 1st? I mean, I'm still recovering from the marathon feast that is Thanksgiving weekend during that week. At least they're feeding us steaks from Morton's, which isn't altogether a crime... A further conundrum is when to invite people to our house for dinner or just cocktails. I'm trying to find a spot on my calendar, but my better planning friends have already beat me to the punch. There are just no Fridays or Saturdays left in December, and the Sundays are quickly disappearing. At this rate, we won't have our post-October honeymoon wine and cheese party until January, and forget about the ladies' Sunday brunch, book club dinner, or girl's movie night. They will have to wait until January if not February with the way my schedule is booking up.

But I digress. The real fear I have with holiday parties is figuring out what to wear to each without running up my budget. I'm not such a Hollywood diva that I can only wear one fabulous dress one time before retiring it. But on the other hand, I can't exactly show up to each party in the same knock-em-dead dress or the same show-stopping accessories without repeating myself on film. And you'd better be sure that everyone takes pictures at holiday parties. Those are the photos that get printed out, make it into frames, and get passed around to the whole world. Maybe because everyone makes an effort to look cheery and decorate themselves to the hilt. And why not? There are so many vivid, shiny objects to compete with. Besides, the weather outside can be a bit frightful by then. A little bit of pizzaz never hurt a girl, especially during the holidays.

Which brings me to the point of this discourse. I was fumbling through my nightly assignment of catalogues last night while blowing my nose on cue every 90 seconds with the other hand when I finally opened a Ross-Simons catalogue that had fallen by the wayside (under my bed). Tired of the endless Lord & Taylor non-sales and already having taken my fill of Macy's one-day-sales, I thumbed through it, happy to look at glittery objects for a change. Obviously, I wasn't in any financial shape to buy an estate piece, and Lord knows my other half had bought his share of bling in the past year -- more than enough that gave him the right to curtly nip any idea in the bud that hinted that I should expect something sparkly in this year's stocking. So I wasn't really looking to spend on jewelry, mind you.... But I had a small card I could still play. My birthday, after all, was 2 weeks away, and I believed myself to be entitled to some small token of radiance. And so I thumbed. Hesitantly at first, but more bravely after I began to notice some exotic little pieces.

Sure, I had heard of amethyst, but what was it doing in a gorgeous carnation-pink cushion-cut ring? What in heaven's name were"aventurine," "diopside," and "kunzite?" How about "lemon quartz" -- was there a "lime" and "orange sherbert" quartz too? Despite the wacky names, there were some alluring pieces in there, and I had to have a closer look. Of course, plenty of diamonds caught my eye, and I would obediently slap my hand and quickly turn the page each time. But what really stood out were the unusual semi-precious stones, not unusual by name as I had heard of many of them, but unusual in the way they were set or their color. Suddenly, a bright orange citrine blazed like the sun surrounded by a corona of white topaz and encrusted on a 14-carat yellow gold ring. Large dollops of yellow-green peridot glowed, suspended on gold earring wire. A giant pink tourmaline towered like a beacon over a circle of tiny diamonds, while a cluster of clear icy aquamarine dangled like lasers. All in all, this was a captivating collection, and not just for one such as myself who is easily distracted by shiny objects.

Now, I can't stand wearing fake, or "lab created" stones. I prefer my jewelry au naturel -- it's either real diamonds or it's nothing. I'll take ravishing row of garnets over "synthesized" rubies any day. So if you're of similar ilk, you'll be pleased to know that all of the jewels I endorse here are the real thing. Even better, they are considered semi-precious stones, so they are actually worth something. Personally, I've always considered fine jewelry to be a fine investment, which sometimes justified otherwise completely unnecessary purchases. Before you laugh at me, let me tell you a story.

When I was in college, I worked for Christian Bernard Jewelers, an upscale jewelry store at the already upscale Georgetown Park Mall. Having managed to convince the manager to hire me -- even though my prior retail experience consisted of selling underwear -- I spent many evenings and weekends dressing displays and peddling tres cher trinkets. Shortly after I started, the manager, who was at that time in her mid-fifties, took a liking to me. She told me about her family and her travel adventures, and she lived vicariously through my tales of college parties and romantic affairs. Anyway, she convinced me to start collecting nice jewels. The reason? When she had first graduated from college, she needed to buy a car. At the time, she didn't have credit, and her assets were rather low. But having come from a family of jewelers, she had accumulated a fine collection of estate jewels. Good thing, because the bank accepted her estate jewels as collateral and gave her a car loan. Allegedly, she used the same "assets" to be approved for her first mortgage. Fine jewelry, after all, doesn't really decrease in value, and sometimes, it increases multifold. So you see, collection real gemstones and gold can actually pay off.

So how does this story relate to holiday glam? It doesn't really. But if you're like me and you can't resist a brilliant bauble every now and then, you might as well buy real gemstones. And, you may be surpsised to learn that some of the most exotic-looking stones have very down-to-earth prices. Check out Ross-Simons and see if you can pick up a few holiday lights that won't burn out. These hot stunners are so dazzling they could make any ordinary diva look like an old-school Hollywood starlet. That should make you look forward to some holiday parties. The scintillating conversation is up to you.

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